Change
by Doctor Addison Montgomery
Summary: SamPhilMax. When something terrible happens to the one man Sam has ever truly loved who will she turn to for comfort. One shot songfic. Warning: character death. Please review! Xx


**Change**

**Summary: SamPhilMax. When something terrible happens to the one man Sam has ever truly loved who will be there to comfort her. Warning: character death.  
This fic is for Beccy (DI Samantha Carter) as a fellow SamMax fan and for helping to keep the SP love alive!  
This is my first SP oneshot in ages even though I said I wouldn't write anymore!  
Song is 'Change' by the Sugababes.**

_If I could hold you close_

_Like you were never gone_

_If I could hear your voice you'd tell me to be strong._

"Why?" Samantha Nixon asked from her position crouched at the graveside. The words may be engraved in stone but this didn't make them any easier for her to believe. "Why Phil, why did you have to go?"

A thousand memories flickered through her mind and, despite the times when they had fought and hated each other, it was the good times she remembered. Maybe if she hadn't let him go to the Major Case Squad he would still be here, annoying the hell out of her in the way only he could, and she loved him for it. No, it was before then. It was only now that she saw her own part in Phil's downfall. He had tried so hard for her, to be the man he thought she deserved and even when he had proven himself to her she had still pushed him away.

_But sometimes_

I just can't

I just don't understand

_Why you had to go_

_Why you had to go_

I guess I'll never know.

It hurt to remember how she had treated him and now she was ashamed. Those three weeks she had taken off work after she had broken up with him were some of the worst of her life. Three weeks alone in a hotel thinking about what she had done to a man who had only loved her and had changed his whole world just for her. She had thought of trying to patch things up with him when she came back but when she saw him again she knew it wasn't fair. She had put him through far too much already and she wouldn't be responsible for breaking his heart all over again.

_Ain't it funny how you think _

_You're gonna be okay_

_Till you remember things ain't never_

_Gonna be the same again_

_Same again_

_Ain't it crazy how you think_

_You've got your whole life planned_

_Just to find out it was never ever_

_In your hand_

In your hand

Change.

One of the things that hurt Sam the most was the fact that their relatively short romance had ruined a strong bond of friendship which had built up over the years. Phil had been there for her during her darkest days and had gone from being an annoyance to being someone she couldn't live without. Now, she had no choice. She hated the Major Case Squad from putting Phil onto a case which was obviously over his head but she knew this was irrational, one thing you could never doubt about him was his love of the job. She remembered a three months ago when she had heard the news, her heart breaking all over again when she realised that he had listed her as his next of kin. Maybe that had both been pretending when they said they didn't love each other anymore because Sam was more sure than ever now that he had been the one for her.

_If I could get to you  
__  
I'd be there in a minute_

_My world don't make no sense_

No without you in it

_And sometimes I just cry_

_Can't say I don't know why_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_And leave me here alone?_

_And leave me here alone?_

"I miss you," She whispered, laying down a bouquet of pink roses and white lilies beside the headstone. She took a tissue out of her coat pocket and wiped at the headstone. The funeral had been painful, seeing Cindy, Kate with Alfie and Christine with Maddison had hurt her. She had been irrationally angry that these three women had all hurt him before she realised that she had hurt him the most and she would always regret it as long as she lived. "I'm sorry Phil." She continued. "I should have told you I loved you, I never should have let you go. I love you."

Sam pushed herself to her feet and stood up, brushing loose earth from her knees and stared down at the grave, tears threatening to spill. She just missed him so much and knew she would have to live with her regrets.

_Ain't it funny how you think _

_You're gonna be okay_

_Till you remember things ain't never_

_Gonna be the same again_

_Same again_

_Ain't it crazy how you think_

_You've got your whole life planned_

_Just to find out it was never ever_

_In your hand_

In your hand

Change.

He had been such a good friend to her over the years and Sam would never forget how he had always been her shoulder to cry on. She would never forget their time together in Romania and she remembered the moment just before they had thought they were going to get shot. She was going to tell him that she loved him. She never had. Sam wondered now whether if she had told him she loved him then they would still be together and she wouldn't be stood here alone staring at the grave of the man she loved so much.

_You don't see it coming_

(Change)

When the future comes knocking

(It changed)

It can make you and break you too

You just have to make it through

_You just have to make it through._

From the car waiting opposite the cemetary a man emerged and walked towards Sam. He had told her that he would let her have her privacy here, he had never known Phil but he could see how much Sam had cared about him and from what he had heard from station gossip everyone had thought they were meant to be together. He couldn't sit and wait in the car any longer, not when he could see her, heartbroken and lost by this man's grave. He opened the car door and walked towards her. He was sure that Phil wouldn't want him to let Sam be alone.

_Ain't it funny how you think _

_You're gonna be okay_

_Till you remember things ain't never_

_Gonna be the same again_

_Same again_

_Ain't it crazy how you think_

_You've got your whole life planned_

_Just to find out it was never ever_

_In your hand_

In your hand

Change.

"Hey," Sam whispered as she heard the man approach.  
"Hey," He replied softly. "Are you ready to go?" He asked.

Sam nodded, turning to look at grave stone once more. One stubborn tear escaped and ran down her cheek, the man reached out and wiped it away with his thumb. He wrapped his arm around her petite form and pulled her close to his side.

"Thank you, Max." She said, smiling weakly up at the man beside her.

However much she loved Phil and always would, it was time for a change and she knew that Phil would want her to be happy.

_Change, change._

_Change._

**_Please review! Xx_**


End file.
